Young Regrets

 

Kellen King

Matt Montoya

English 102

4/22/25                                                                                                                  

        I’ve always been told that teenagers like me often get into trouble. That they don’t think about consequences and make reckless decisions. This often leads to teenagers having regrets that could be short lived or lifelong. Why is it that many teens make such rash decisions and is there a way to prevent it?

        The main reason I’m researching this matter is because one of my only regrets is that I do not have many. I’m not really one to get into trouble or make rash decisions so naturally I want to know what it’s like for those who do. Sometimes I do wish I would chase more fun things and get into trouble but I’m sure in the future I will be glad I didn’t.

        One thing that I do often feel is that I’m missing out. I feel like my peers are having lots of fun without me and it makes me feel like I’m not getting everything I could out of my youth. This feeling is called the fear of missing or FOMO. FOMO has been seen in teens for a while but has recently become a problem with social media. However, that’s not what I’m talking about. There were studies that showed the FOMO was common in younger people and often described by Newport Academy as, “[T]he uneasy and sometimes all-consuming feeling that you’re missing out—that your peers are doing, in the know about, or in possession of more or something better than you”. FOMO also affects your mental health. It can leave you in bad moods often and leave you feeling discontent with the life you have. If you have social anxiety, it can make that worse too. Things I myself have felt at times. You could feel very stressed and depressed, and you’ll want to know what your peers are doing more and more but seeing them have fun only makes it worse. Another study revealed just how much FOMO can affect teens. They feel it 24/7 and it only gets worse as the week progresses. It equally affects all kinds of people and isn’t subject to specific traits or feelings of certain people. As a result of FOM teens often feel distracted, probably worrying about what they’re missing out on, which only leads to more negative feelings. Whether hearing about or fun events, or seeing them on social media, knowing their peers were doing fun things only worsened their FOMO. Regret ties heavily into this because you might regret that your life isn’t as fun, or you could go out and try these fun things and find out maybe they have consequences you regret too.

        There have been multiple studies that have researched other reasons about why and how adolescents tend to make decisions they will regret. It is commonly said that it’s because the teenage brain isn’t fully developed, but that is not entirely the case. A study was made, presenting children, adults, and adolescents, with situations that had regretful or relieving outcomes. Children were able to predict those outcomes and not choose the regretful ones. While feelings of relief and regret were felt stronger by adults than children or adolescents. However, adolescents did not feel regret as strongly as adults or children.

        Another study commenced and took a group of sixty adolescents and young adults and presented them with 40 risk situations and 40 neutral situations. They were asked to rate the outcomes of each situation from -5 to 5. They were then asked to picture themselves and a close friend in those situations and determine what choice they would make. In risky situations, the dangerous option was chosen 34.7% of the time and in the neutral options situations, the options were chosen randomly. While reading these outcomes, it was noted that the young adults took longer to read the positive situations over the negative ones, while the adolescents took about the same time for both. This could mean that upon seeing a situation that could potentially end well, adolescents quickly accept that as the outcome and are less likely to consider negative consequences than young adults or older. During these tests, brain scans were done to monitor certain parts of the brain and its activity. Evelyn Ferstl et al writes, “[Y]oung adults, as
compared with adolescents, exhibited a more active ‘harm avoidance’ neural system when receiving negative outcomes” (81). This means that teenagers are less likely to acknowledge the downsides to the choices they make. The brain scans also showed decreased activity in certain parts of the adolescent’s brains due to what Evelyn et la called, “[I]mmaturity of the emotional system” (81). Previous studies showed that lack of emotional awareness for the consequences of risky decision making appears especially in social situations where peer pressure could be a factor. Meaning in social and emotional circumstances, adolescents are more inclined to so the rewards rather than the results. It's not that they don’t know the consequences of risky actions, but this study shows that they are less likely to learn from them because of underdevelopment in parts of the brain. So, the reason teenagers tend to make poor choices is because of certain developments in the brain that make them more inclined to see the benefits rather than the consequences in risky situations.

        Now that we know some of the reasons why teens tend to make regretful decisions, how can we begin to fix it. We make rash decisions in our teen years because of underdevelopment; but this also makes it the best time build good decision making skills that will stick with you forever. Brain development is a big part of teen decision making but it’s important to know that many outside factors also have an impact on our choices. The people you’re around, the things you watch, these things influence your choices, some positively or negatively.

        The friends you hang out with and the communities you engage with on social media are a key factor to the decisions you make as a teenager. When you see something your friends are all doing, and maybe encouraging you to do, or see a popular trend on social media, you need to stop and think. These things may not always be bad things, but if these things don’t “stay true to your values and make decisions that are good for you, not just popular choices” as Jesse LeBeau describes it. Family is also a huge part of a teens’ life and will inevitably affect the choices they make and who they are. Teens don’t only seek approvement from peers but from their families too. Many of your values will come from your family so it’s important to make decisions that align with both theirs and yours. An extremely important aspect of teen decision making is their goals, dreams, aspirations, and the things they’re passionate about. If you align your choices with these things in mind, you’re bound to make less risky decisions that could negatively affect your future. You will also feel more fulfilled when you make choices that work towards your long-term goals.

        With these influences in mind, a teen can start to make a strategy for better decision making. The key to this is critical thinking. Jesse LeBeau says to ask questions like “[W]hat are the possible outcomes of your decision?” and that “Weighing the pros and cons can help you make more rational, less impulsive choices”. One strategy teens can use to make better choices is the DECIDE model. Define the problem, Establish the criteria, Consider all the alternatives, Identify the best alternative, Develop and implement a plan of action. Lebeau says “Using a structured approach like this can help you break down complex decisions into manageable steps and evaluate each option logically”. He even gives advice from experts who “recommend keeping a decision journal where you can write down significant decisions, why you made them, and what the outcomes were. This practice can help you see patterns in your decision-making and guide you to better choices in the future”.

        So what else can we do to start living without regrets right now. Boruch Akbosh is a business mentor and a podcaster, among other things, who knows his way around successful businesses. He gives advice to teens on how to live with no regrets. He explains how regrets can be avoided by the choices you make. Something that is easier said than done. The main thing you should do is listen to people who are older than you and learn from their mistakes. There was a survey in which 4,000 retired executives who were aged around seventy were all asked the same question. If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently. The top eight answers were, “I would have taken charge of my life and set my goals earlier, I would have taken better care of my health, I would have managed my money better, I would have spent more time with my family, I would have spent more time on personal development, I would have had more fun, I would have planned my career better, I would have given more back”. Boruch adds that he personally would have taken more risks. Thinking about those nine points, you can look forward to your life with things to accomplish rather than looking back on regrets.

        Setting your goals up early on and taking control of your life by doing things that will help meet those goals and avoiding things that could jeopardize your mission will help you not make regretful decisions. Taking care of your health will also stop you from making many dangerous choices that could get you hurt of have lasting affects on your health. Managing your money wisely will keep you from making rash decisions with your money that could be temporary or haunt you for years. Spending more time with your family, depending on the environment, could be a good influence and keep teens from going out and getting into trouble often. Spending time on personal development and who you want to be means you’ll think carefully about the choices you make and won’t make decisions that go against your values. The time to act is now. Get outside your comfort zone and try all those things you want to do but are too scared to start. Boruch makes it clear that success is your choice. You will not be able to chase your own success if you are not physically and mentally healthy. That is the key to, “[A]chieve all you want to in life”. It’s all choices you have to make.

        I think it’s important to not only focus and how to live without regrets, but to take an extra step and know how to live successfully as a teen. Christine carter is an author and a blogger who helps people live fulfilling lives. One of the articles she wrote explains seven qualities that can make a teen most likely to succeed.

        The first quality to a teen’s success is they need to know who they are and what they want. Christine calls this, “[I]ntrinsic interest”. This is not the same as what others expect, think, or want of them. It must be something the teen themselves are passionate about and believe they can use to make a difference with. Something they are motivated to do.

         They also need to be able to command their own attention. Christine explains, “Teens can’t persist in pursuing their long-term goals if they can’t remember what they’re doing or why they’re doing it”. Many things in this world like adds for clothes, games, and various other products depend on what teens pay attention to. In the world of social media, it’s so easy to be sucked in and distracted. Even in these environments some teens find ways to navigate it mindfully with intent. Teens need to be able to make sure they have their own goals and futures in mind and make sure they are putting in the work and stand out among all the noise of the world. These skills can also be used to navigate delicate situations and allow you to know when to leave a situation that’s bad for you and what choices to make.

        Another quality to build teen success is the ability to turn away from instant and shallow pursuits to think deeply. Teens need to consider their options before making big decisions that could impact their future. There could be better opportunities out there they haven’t yet considered or aren’t aware of; so making sure there aren’t any better options before making a decision is a valuable skill. Especially since this skill is becoming scarcer in the youth today. Teens can use this mindset to think about consequences of decisions before acting.

        Teens also need to effortlessly generate creative insights. Being a hard worker is all good and fine, but if you can’t improvise in a world that’s full of new problems and unpredictable circumstances, you can only go so far. It’s those with a creative mindset that find new and easier ways to solve problems and make already working processes more efficient. Creativity can be used to make better strategies that fit your personal life to help you make the right choices.

        Being authentic and emotionally courageous is also a needed quality for success as a teen. Christine describes this as, “willing to feel what they feel” which “gives them access to the wisdom of their hearts”. Being too afraid to take risks or get hurt will hold you back. Those who are able to push through tribulations and keep their moral values will be able to climb their way to their goals.

        An important quality a successful teen needs is to be happy. Success doesn’t come from preying on the downfall of others or using people as tools to build and climb to the top. It is those that have a positive attitude and mindset that make the connections they need to be successful. This is not the same as doing whatever makes you happy. It is doing what you need to do with a happy attitude and seeing the good side of things. This allows them to see connections and solutions other with more cynical mindsets would not. It is important when seeking happiness that you think long term rather than them immediately. This will prevent you from making rash choices that are fun at first but you will regret later

        The final quality needed for a teen to be successful is to be connected. Having healthy relationships will help teens stay mentally and physically healthy. Those who are reserved and don’t dare put themselves out there are more susceptible to “[E]xperience sadness, loneliness, low self-esteem and problems with eating and sleeping”, says Christine. While those who have important and meaningful relationships also have motivation and people to work hard for.

        There are reasons why teenagers tend to make choices that are rash, reckless, risky, poor, and whatever else you want to call it. We tend to focus on the rewards instead of the consequences when faced with potentially dangerous situations. We’re very susceptible to peer pressure. We don’t want to miss out on all the fun we see happening around us. If you can get away from social media, go outside, make real connections, do what you love, and just focus on the positive, you won’t feel like you’re missing out on anything. Even if you have regrets from your past mistakes, it is never too late to change that. Learn from them and push forward. Once you’ve done that you can start making choices to be more successful. Once you’ve achieved that, don’t let ambition drag you back down. Keep a positive mindset and nurture your relationships and you’ll have all the motivation you need to live successfully and without regrets.

 

Sources

Boruch Akbosh ✔ Acquisitions Advisor, Investor. “Living Your Teen Life to the Fullest                                                                                 with No Regrets.” LinkedIn, 10 Nov. 2019, www.linkedin.com/pulse/living-your-teen-life-fullest-regrets.

Carter, Christine. “What Makes Teens ‘Most Likely to Succeed?’” Christine Carter, www.christinecarter.com/2017/05/what-makes-teens-most-likely-to-succeed/. Accessed 30 Apr. 2025.

Ferstl, Evelyn. “Neural Substrates of Counterfactual Emotions After Risky Decisions in Late Adolescents and Young Adults.” Shibboleth Authentication Request, 2018, research-ebsco-com.columbiabasin.idm.oclc.org/c/qujsie/viewer/pdf/z557xmowc5?auth-callid=0fe33c62-ad09-4f0a-bc5e-bd84f96bc7e2.

Staff, Newport Academy. “Teaching Teens How to Overcome Fomo.” Newport Academy, 10 Nov. 2022, www.newportacademy.com/resources/empowering-teens/how-to-overcome-fomo/.

Jesse LeBeau. “Mastering Teenage Decision Making: Empowering Choices for a Bright Future.” Jesse LeBeau, 7 Oct. 2024, www.jesselebeau.com/mastering-teenage-decision-making-empowering-choices-for-a-bright-future/.